murreyandblue

A great WordPress.com site

Archive for the tag “humour”

The Pedants’ Revolt (again)

Where better to start this time than Colchester, with its John Ball connections, of course? Here, in a beer advert, a centurion has edited some graffiti to remind the natives of the Roman Empire’s authority. Perhaps he will enter a pub with four colleagues and order some, raising two fingers when asked how many? He might prefer a martinus – “You mean martini?” – “No, just the one, thankyou”.

 

 

This Latin graffiti habit seems to be catching, as shown by this recent protest in Cambridge. However, the artist’s, or artists’, grammar seems to be wanting, according to authorities such as Mary Beard. Perhaps they need help from someone like this?

Richard & Co on Facebook….!

lovells-signature

Don’t worry about not being able to read the letter that’s illustrated, just have a darned good laugh at Michi’s Blog, which is a hoot about how, among other things, Richard, his friends and enemies might communicate on Facebook. It’s mainly concerned with poor old Francis Lovell, so be warned. But well done, Michi!

Read, laugh and enjoy!

 

 

Richard III takes on the tyrant Henry VIII…

richard-iii-huffington

fat-henry

I have my priorities right with picture size! Anyway, here’s a laugh, courtesy of the Huffington Post. Errors and all. I have quoted it in full.

“Be warned. There is a downside to dreaming big. To those of you who hope to reach life’s pinnacle — which obviously is becoming an obese, ginger tyrant — when/if you ascend those dizzying heights and widths, you will be attacked by those who are your inferiors. That’s right fat sociopaths-in-training, prepare for the foulest, most unseemly assaults on your reputation, honour, and glory.”

“The most recent example of this is taking place even now in the city of Leicester (that’s in England, American readers), where under the guise of a “comedy festival” I have learned that history’s most malevolent and unsexy monarch, Richard III, is attempting to pump up his meagre fame by using some of my tweets in a public exhibit.

Enraged and purple-faced at this news, I penned the following letter:”

“Dear Richard III,

Normally I would begin an email such as this with some sort of kingly and extremely gracious opening statement but under these circumstances I have lit those diplomatic norms on fire and hurled them off the balcony. Why am I literally exploding with anger? I shall tell you in the very next sentence! I have learnt through my network of spies and henchpersons that you have engineered some type of public display there in Leicester of your tweets, which on its own is nothing short of a HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION!! BUT WORSE, THIS EXHIBIT APPARENTLY INCLUDES SOME OF MY GLORIOUS TWEETS AS WELL!! MY TWEETS PLACED ADJACENT TO YOURS?!?! HAVE YOU NO DECENCY? HAVE YOU NO SHAME? A POX ON YOUR KEYBOARD! This is such a hideous intrusion upon my majestic person — which is at least five times the size of yours and therefore better and much more attractive to ladies. Beyond stealing my tweets to big-up your exhibit, I suspect you may have included images of me. Fine. People like to look at me. Perfectly understandable. But here’s what I will not stand for — ANY PICTURES OF MY MUM AND/OR ANY INDICATION THAT SHE MAY HAVE LOOKED UPON YOU, DESIRED YOU, OR COME INTO ANY PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH YOUR EXCEEDINGLY NASTY PERSON!!

I demand a response! I insist that people will be clear we are not BFFs — it must be made beyond obvious that my dad did heroic stabbing things to you at Bosworth Field. We do not “hang out”. We do not joust or play tennis or go codpiece shopping together. We did not belong to the same book clubs. You are not my “wingman”! And none of your bragging about how nice your coffin is!!

With utmost sincerity,

Henry VIII

 

“To which Richard replied:

Dear Henry VIII

I can happily confirm that those kind fellows at the Leicester Comedy Festival have bestowed me with my own exhibition, filled with my wise words and tweets and not only this, BUT ITS IN MY OWN PERSONAL MUSEUM AND VISITOR CENTRE (let me know when you have one of those – and no you cannot claim modern day Whitehall to still be yours).

One is also happy to tell you that I have included some of my witty, charming and ultimately superior responses to your brash, bellowing outbursts. For nearly 500 years my good name has been sullied, abused and lied about thanks to the ALTERNATIVE TRUTHS and Tudor Propaganda spouted by you, your father, and those scrawny, miserable daughters of yours. These lies even stretch to a claim I murdered my nephews in the Tower of London, which I can 100% confirm is FAKE NEWS. Therefore it is to be expected that I now seek to tell the truth and to clear my name. And don’t you dare blame it on Shakespeare, just because he wrote a rubbish play about you.

Yet worry ye not, because this comedy exhibition features not only you, but also my views on the good city, its football team, it’s car parks and even its politicians. What’s more, with my disabilities, the building is fully accessible to those with physical restrictions, the doors are wide enough even for your XXXXXL tunics and tights… to be honest you can even come in a wheelchair if your gout is still playing up. £8.95 entry (though I’ll let you in for £8 since you’re over 60).

Anyhow, must dash, I’m having new air conditioning fitted to my tomb, turns out my 21st century designer home can get a little warm in the summer months, the Archbishop tells me it’s the underfloor heating.

Look forward to seeing you at my own exhibition

Dickie

Ps, forgot to say, when you next speak to your mother, please give her my love and tell her I fondly remember that time she and I had Westminster Abbey to ourselves, she showed me things that night which Anne had never let me think possible. Funnily enough, it’s just in the next room to that crowded tomb where you currently lie.”

“To which I responded:

Dear R3,

Tudors rule, Plantagenets drool!

Yours,

H8

 

I think that ended well.”

THE DOCTOR AT BOSWORTH?

Recently the fannish world was shocked by the announcement that Peter Capaldi would be leaving the role of Doctor Who. Several of us sagely nodded and said that, along with a new Doctor, why not produce an episode which features Richard III, since he has been the ‘king in the news’ these past few years and has a story more interesting than most?  Doctor Who has had over 100 episodes dealing with historical themes and has featured Richard Lionheart, King John and Elizabeth I, amongst others; maybe it is time for Richard to join them (portrayed positively, of course) :

http://www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia/2012/02/20-historical-figures-who-have-appeared-in-doctor-who

Of course, many have asserted that for the year 2017, maybe it is time to have a female Doctor in the role of the intrepid time traveller from Gallifrey.  A fair few of us may have considering auditioning ourselves (laughter) if they did indeed produce an episode featuring Richard,  but as Viscountess W wisely said,  while the  Doctors have been ‘quirky’, more likely a female Doctor would be chosen for being ‘perky’ (ie under 30 and scantily clad!)

That said, Peter Capaldi has suggested Frances de la Tour as a possible replacement, so maybe the good old ‘quirky’ tradition would be carried on even if the Beeb does decide to cast a  female Doctor Who.

http://epicstream.com/news/Doctor-Who-Star-Peter-Capaldi-Wants-Harry-Potter-Actress-As-His-Replacement

So here’s a pic of prospective Doctor Frances overlooking Bosworth Field….(hint, hint Doctor Who writers!)delatour

Pharaoh Henry Tud’mosis VII…..?

henry-vii-effigy

Well, I confess that on a passing glimpse, I thought this was an Egyptian Pharaoh, but no! It’s Henry VII as you’ve never seen him before. Well, I hadn’t, anyway. The picture is identified as his funeral effigy before it was restored after damage in World War II.

I’m startled that anyone, even the Luftwaffe, dared to drop bombs in Henry’s vicinity. He wouldn’t take that lying down!

It’s from Rituals of Royalty: Prescription, Politics and Practice in English Coronation and Royal Funeral Rituals, c. 1327 to c. 1485

http://etheses.whiterose.ac.uk/2497/1/DX212138.pdf

Snowballing, medieval style….!

snowballing-medieval-style

An unlikely scene, surely? Would medieval ladies really go out snowballing in such décolleté gowns? Can’t believe it. One of them is even bending down to present a better target.

I would be far  better wrapped, and so would all of you, I’m sure. Or do I have some very daring minxes among my lady friends?

And another thing. Just what is the golden ‘tablet’ that floats above the bending gentleman? If someone has thrown it, the fun will be over.

Henry VII At Hogwarts

Fans of the Harry Potter films might have noted a familiar face looking out from the wall at Hogwarts–Dr Ashdown Hill certainly did, and duly mentioned it in a recent post on his FB site!

Yes, a  portrait of Henry VII is hanging in the wizarding school’s great hall, amidst those of more, um, fantastical characters including long-breaded enchanters and witches in  pointy hats.

Is Henry some evil wizard, good mates with the wicked Voldemort? Or just a sly  denizen of Slytherin?

 

poderickcruickshankhead

A little bit of digging in the Harry Potter fan world revealed this information:

http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Poderick_Cruickshank

 

hp

New Book Released About ‘Dickon’!

I and my friend, Susan Lamb, have just released our first (but hopefully not last) collaboration, ‘Dickon’s Diaries’ – a collection of anecdotes from our favourite king about his life in ‘Muddleham’ with Anne, his ‘quene’, and his ‘loyalle servaunt’, Lovell. It is based on the popular Facebook page, ‘Dickon for his Dames’, but is 95 percent new material and takes the form of a diary recounting humorous anecdotes and scrapes that he, Anne and Lovell (mainly Lovell) get into while living part in mediaeval times and yet interacting with modern technology.

Dickon is very popular with his ‘Dames’, who tend to swoon when in his presence and try their utmost to get closer to him. He finds some technology – his boxe of movyng pictures, YeBay and his boxe of coloured lights very helpful, but others are a problem, such as his ‘pingyng flashbox’ by which he sends texts to Lovell to remind him to fetch Jaffa Cakes from Tess-co.

If you would like to see some examples of the type of humour, ‘like’ our page, ‘Dickon for his Dames’ and take a look. Or ‘Look inside’ on Amazon by clicking on the picture below:

Cover of 'Dickon's Diaries'

 

DICKON’S TUDOR CHRISTMAS CAROL

‘Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone….a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue, and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice. A frosty rime was on his head, and on his eyebrows, and his wiry chin. He carried his own low temperature always about with him; he iced his office in the dog-days, and didn’t thaw it one degree at Christmas.

 

A description of Henry Tudor, locked away in his counting house?

No,  of of course it’s Dickens’ Ebenezer Scrooge from the famous story ‘A Christmas Carol.’

This Christmas, though, if you are looking for a little spoof and parody set in the late 15thc, Henry takes the place of Dickens’ baddie in a humorous  short story called DICKON’S TUDOR CHRISTMAS CAROL, written by Hesper Huffam.

Waking from a sleep, Henry is confronted by an old friend…William Stanley,minus his head. a series of other ghosts follow–Richard III as the Ghost of Christmas Past, annoyed at the blackening of his reputation; the recently executed Perkin Warbeck who confounds and confuses Henry; and the sinister LARGE ghost of Christmas Future, who shows him the unhappy  results of his avarice and suspicion. Will Henry listen to the ghosts and change his ways?  Will he get Elizabeth of York decent shoes and tell Morton where to stick his precious Fork? Will Mummy Beaufort be pacified..and what about Henry’s pet, Groat the Monkey?

 

A bit of light harmless fun for a winter’s night in.

tudor

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dickons-Tudor-Christmas-Hesper-Huffam-ebook/dp/B01N6D7HDK

Who or what is under the Esplanade in Rochester….?

rochester-esplanade

Here’s a new suggestion – that Richard’s crown might be under the Esplanade at Rochester. Well, the idea is dismissed because the English Civil War saw an end to the original crown jewels – but who is to say Richard’s crown was destroyed too? But, big but, why on earth would his crown be in Rochester in the first place? So, I guess that whatever they’ve found under the Esplanade is more likely to be the helicopter or Lord Lucan!

Memorial stone to mark Richard III’s visit

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: