Columbus didn’t discover America, Henry Tudor got there first . . . !

Caption before my fiddling: The explorer set sail from Spain to find a direct water route from Europe to Asia. Credit: Getty Images – Getty

I know this book (cover pictured below) is serious, well researched and is no doubt an excellent read . . . but come ON, forget Columbus, the Vikings and early Irish holy men, we all know Henry VII got there first, on his way to settle the small obstacle of Richard III.

The Tudor proboscis sniffed the Atlantic air, and detected G.O.L.D. Argh! His nose was infallible, so off he went. America was only a small detour, of course. Nothing much for the first Tudor, who was saviour of the entire world. He even invented the US dollar! It’s true, I tell you.

He and his sprogs were the discoverers of absolutely everything, and were solely responsible for the Renaissance, whereas the Plantagenets never got beyond the Big Bang and living in caves!

Just ask any Tudorite.

As for Columbus, well, he was just another tiresome Yorkist imposter trying to steal Henry’s thunder.

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