The Internet Trolls’ Anthem

Internet trolls are a very busy breed, and surely need something to sing as they work. So here’s a little anthem for them. To be sung to the tune of “You don’t get me, I’m part of the union”, by the Strawbs.

Now I’m an internet troll…
Amazed at what I control
I say what I think, that other folk stink
Yes, I’m an internet troll

When I log on each time
To pour out my bile and slime
With virulent glee (sure that I’ll stay free)
I think I do no crime

I have no life of my own
As I sit in my smelly home
All I can think is that I’m in the pink
I’m not a poisonous gnome

Oh, you don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
Til the day I’m named
Til the day I’m shamed

We trolls intend to defeat
The folk of the world’s elite
But we don’t care if, should we feel like it
We get others too – that’s neat!

We plot with our troll brethren
Laying plans to cause more pain
We think it’s our mission to treat with derision
To abuse and accuse to our gain

Before the internet came
Our lives were just plain lame
We were nothing but gas, and it came from the a-s
But the net gave us secret fame

We all have a naff handle
Too yellow to risk a scandal
Coming down on our heads, harming us instead
Oh, the truth isn’t worth the candle

Oh, you don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
Til the day I’m named
Til the day I’m shamed

Should a law come to get us all
We’d be frightened and appalled
We’d scuttle afar, like the vermin we are
Snivelling we were never trolls!

If our friends should know who we are
And our neighbours come to stare
We’d shuffle around, try to go to ground
But trolls deserve no care

In prison we should be,
Or a good old pillory
Being showered with muck, but who’d give a f-ck!
Just desserts it would surely be.

Oh, you don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
Til the day I’m named
Til the day I’m shamed

Oh, you don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
You don’t get me, I’m an internet troll
Til the day I’m named
Til the day I’m shamed . . . .